“What’s wrong with me?” inquired my client. It had been our first session and the question, an expected norm in my field, was being asked by an attractive female in her late 30’s, wanting to understand her single status. She was bright, intelligent and successful. “Then why am I still Single?”.
The exchange we had, shed light on where my client kept meeting people; “friend’s introductions”, “bars”, “online”, and how, when meeting them, she was “frequently careful”,“sometimes guarded”, “often pleasing” and almost always, not herself.
The above instance is hardly an exception. Most people go out on dates, especially initial ones, under a guise. It makes it difficult for them to relate and get to know others, and often ends disappointingly.
Your best bet towards a lasting relationship with a suitable companion is to present yourself as honestly as possible and let others value your true qualities. I’m writing this phrase, because that’s exactly the kind of thing that makes for a good read, but is hardly helpful in real life!
The reality is that dating comes with an expected set of behaviours which makes it hard for you to be yourself and open to trusting the other person. Dating is not unlike a job interview, where you are constantly being assessed and evaluated and where you ensure you present your best. While that may work in a professional setting, it would not be lasting for a personal one.
To start with, it maybe more helpful, if you first focused on how you are meeting others, and not just who you are meeting. Look for opportunities where you are able to get to know someone gradually and geninuely without the expectation of where it could lead. More importantly, take cues on how comfortable you are with your choices, as that would affect your behaviour and eventually the outcome.
Lastly, I’d love to hear from you about your dating experiences and how changes in your approach led to something better. For me, this was the underlying need and basis for the inception of Linkked.
To good health & great relationships.